Some claim it was their marriage that made them susceptible to an affair, but in reality it's bad practices. If we apply the way we associated with others as a single person to our life as a married person, we will put our mate and the marriage at danger. Do you ever consider how your interactions with others affects them?
Today's newsletter, Rick shares individual insight as to how he unintentionally put his marital relationship and others at risk. Little shifts in how you communicate with others and have a substantial effect on affair proofing your marriage.
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Extramarital relations specialist Rick Reynolds, LCSW, is one of America's primary authorities on helping individuals and couples having problem with affairs and compulsive sexual behaviors. He is Founder and President of AffairRecovery.com, the first business to offer anonymous worldwide online group assistance for those impacted by adultery. Reynolds holds a Master's Degree in Social Work and is a clinical member of the American Association of Marital Relationship and Household Therapists. In 1992, Reynolds developed and began leading "affair healing groups." He received his Master's of Social Work from the University of Denver and completed three years of post-graduate training at the Colorado Institute for Marital Relationship and Family Therapy. He has likewise operated at the nationally-known Minirth-Meier Tunnel & Wilson Center before carrying on to private practice:.
Arrogance, that my husband thought he could be “just friends” with an old flame who came hunting for him, because he thought she was “safe” as she was married to someone else. Of course, keeping this “friendship” a secret from me was also a bad habit, even though none of his other friendships with anyone, were a secret from me. But this one he decided to keep a secret. Within 7 months, she had kicked her husband out of their home, and she having regular sex with mine. Within a year, she was constantly talking about “when are you going to leave your wife”, and then when he refused to leave me, she told me about their relationship to break us up so she could be with him. She was clearly a sexual predator/mate poacher, but a snake can’t help acting like a snake. It wasn’t her fault that she chased him, got rid of her own husband and tried to get rid of me. It was HIS choice to start a secret relationship because of his arrogance and feeling he could keep it “just friends”.
My husband had an affair with a co worker…we survived but we just had a huge blow up over work emails that were way to friendly. He said I talks to all the guys the same way. Oh man, I reminded him women are different and there needs to be boundaries. We went through hell, and he says he never wanted to do that and never will again. But…he has to change his patterns. I won’t feel safe until he does.
I agree with you 100%.
My safety around my marriage comes from within myself-my conscience its hyperaware.
My self-integrity and the mere thought of having to live with the guilt and anguish I could not bear, nor would I want to.
One of the best things I never knew clicked with me was when I heard “when you love your mother deeply you’re most likely not going to cheat”.
From my background of L.E. I was propositioned blatantly 4 times.
These women all knew I was married and they didn’t care. It was flattering but God was present in my mind – a voice saying don’t you dare. I walked away proud of myself.
My wife was present in my mind as well as many others factors. My daughter’s little faces.
I’ve been the victim of multiple infidelities a girlfriend, a fiancée, and more than once with my wife.
It is by far the worst pain to experience and live with.
As I always say
“One night of pleasure isn’t worth a lifetime of hell !”
Even Christian women with strong values have found themselves in affairs and a very common comment is, “I never thought I would find myself here.”
In some cases, it just starts off with casual conversation that is totally benign but fills a void they have in their life without them realizing that this need is being met by someone other than their spouse. By the time they realize that it’s too late. They have already committed an emotional affair. If it’s not stopped there, it can lead to a full-blown affair.
Be careful what you share with people who are not your spouse. If you feel the need to share something outside of your marriage that should be kept inside the marriage go see a counselor or talk to a trusted friend of the same sex that has the same views on marriage that you do.
Keep that overly friendly guy or girl at work at arms length and purposely avoid them. And never respond to social media friend requests for old interests… EVER!
Your insight into this traumatic situation for many of us is always so appreciated and I do find that the way to prevent a future occurrence is to understand the “why” and always be aware that we are one decision away from tragedy. If I believe that I am immune to this possibility, that is when I may be most vulnerable to hurt those that I love the most and destroy any sense of integrity that I have. Thank you so much for sharing these videos and for the courses you offer through Affair Recovery. You truly have changed my life and I am forever grateful. I need to always be aware of the Seemingly Unimportant Decisions (SUDS)!
Absolutely! This is so insightful!!!! And I’m fixing to go read my news letter on this topic! Thank you so much!!!