Have you ever, in a relationship, began to question your own mind? Has your partner made you question your truth?
If so, you may have experienced gaslighting in a relationship. You've probably heard this term utilized more frequently in the last couple of years, but what does it truly imply, and where did it come from?
Let's discuss it in today's video and how you can prevent being gaslighted in your relationship.
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What really hurts is when I have indeed told the truth. And people have judged me as the liar and gaslighter. It seems as if truth means nothing anymore. Perhaps just saying this makes me look like the gaslighter.
Keep your head up. I’m sorry you’re going through that.
I feel similar, I have lied about things which has destroyed my credibility with my spouse. But now everything I say is suspect & she is justified in every accusation that she makes about me, some of which are downright ridiculous.
Unbeknownst to me, my husband was having an affair. I suspected something was very wrong and called him out on several incidents. I said he was gaslighting me… In Couple’s counseling the therapist defended my husband and made me look like a fool. Many months later I discovered his 1 1/2 yr long affair. Needless to say, we are no longer with that therapist!!
So many times I’ve heard the phrase, “you know that…” As if to paint a new image in my head. I’ve questioned everything about myself for a long time. It’s a brutal existence. If you’re going through it, I’m sorry.
I keep hearing ” I don’t have to prove anything ” ..it just sucks
Oh yes I hear that classic line constantly.
Over the last few months, I had gathered up so much evidence to support this insane feeling in my gut regarding my husband’s “friendship.” I would question him when he was open to talk and he seemed to look away a lot. He would downplay everything. Finally, after 4’months of me saying, “I need transparency and I offer you immunity for it, “ I finally got the truth out him. Every single instinct that I had, was the truth. My gut was right 100% of the time! Now, he told lies in hopes of keeping me from being hurt, but the most hurtful part was the gaslighting? The lies, the breakdown of trust, and the fact that I had to find out on my own. The affair is not the dealbreaker, it’s the deceit that damaged me most. The disregard for my safety. That is the part, I’m struggling with.
I hear ya!
My wife and I are separated. I lied about things from my past (before we met). She says because I lied about my past (she said she asked for “total honesty” when we first met, I don’t really remember) That I controlled the narrative & based our relationship on a foundation of lies. That because I wasn’t totally honest from the beginning, I have gaslighted her for years & she can never forgive the dishonesty. While I don’t want to say that she’s wrong, I did that for years, it just made things worse. She would accuse me of things I never did & I would therefore constantly deny. While I didn’t intend to gaslight her, that was the end result. She in turn would demand that I was lying about things I wasn’t & made me feel like my memory was faulty. I’m trying not to defend my many mistakes in our marriage & I am taking ownership of them. However, I believe the end result was that we ended up gaslighting each other. Not sure where to go from here. I’m miserable, the kids are miserable, she’s “relieved”. I don’t want to keep blaming her for her transgressions in our marriage (it doesn’t fix things) I just don’t know what to now. I keep telling myself that “I am where I am today because of the choices that I made”.