Red Flags in the Life of the Unfaithful during the Affair Recovery Process

Comprehending warnings in the life of the unfaithful spouse or partner serves 2 purposes. One, it can help the unfaithful understand how they are being viewed by their partner (and experts) and assist them in comprehending how their behavior is impacting their betrayed partner. 2, it can help the betrayed understand that what might seem like normal, normal behavior in both the marital relationship along with the unfaithful partner is not regular at all. In truth, it can be alarming and indicative of considerable problems in the life of the unfaithful which must be attended to in order for the relationship to find new life. Today, outlines a couple of crucial red flags in an attempt to assist both sides of the affair discover healing, empathy and brand-new life.

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– Amanda, Florida.

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is an adultery survivor and is one of lots of factors to Affair Recovery's Survivors' Blog site,. He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by creator and professional Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and brand-new life, wants to share his journey and what needs to use with others so they too can find hope and recovery.

Red Flags in the Life of the Unfaithful during the Affair Recovery Process

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  1. Two years later and three out of four are present. Stonewalling he’s always done. Miserable. I appreciate your videos.

    1. Yes….me too…two years later and all of what Sam said happens….gave up on ” working” on his patterns. So, I just shut up now.

  2. Thanks always for your videos , which keep me going since D-day two months ago. I’d love to have a video on a situation where no recovery is envisaged by the unfaithful. My partner who is still cheating on me, evidently doesn’t want any recovery, not sincerely in the sense I envisaged it upon my discovery of the betrayal. I thought we could really build anew our relationship, throw our mistakes behind our backs and move on together. It’s apparent that’s not how she sees things. I’ve come to painfully realize all she wants is to either stay in this limbo in which we’re officially a family (kids are involved) but she can continue to lead her second life with the affair partner or if she cant’ then she wants to break up. Now I’d also be for breaking up if it wasn’t that she’s looking to get something in the process that would leave me loosing. I cannot and don’t want to go into details but when I say loosing I mean in terms of assets. I’d really appreciate a video that addressed at least the psychological and emotional aspects of such a dead end (because in my eyes it’s a dead end, after that there’s no more couple, no more union, family, nothing).

    1. i’m so very sorry. i know that can be gut wrenching for sure. let me see what I can do about a video to help in some way. thank you for watching and sharing.

  3. AA has this thing, “poor poor me, poor poor me, pour me another drink.” Yes, I see this poor me thing coming out of my wayward more and more lately. If you are self shaming, you are not telling me, I am shaming myself over this.

  4. Dear Samuel

    Thank you for such a good content. Right now i am 4 months past DD. I am a man, where my wife had an affair for 3 months. I have never felt so lost in my life.

    We have been going to therapy for 5 months now.

    I have been able to forgive her, but the moment i forgive her, she said that she has doubts about our marriage. It felt like the biggest hit ever. Like all i have worked towards was in vain. I honestly feel like giving up. It does not seem like she is fighting for me.

    By the way 10 years of anniversary today, i kinda feel like just forgetting all the years.

    Do you have any advice?

    1. yes, get help. use a course on our site, or intensive. forgiving too soon can cause some serious problems as well. forgiveness often times comes in layers and at some level, just because we choose to forgive doesn’t make it all work out simple and easy. here is a timeline to look over for insight about what things may look like the first two years: also, it’s good she’s expressing doubts about the marriage. better to hear it now, then a year down the road. don’t wing it. don’t do this on your own. use our free bootcamp to get started:

  5. 4/4 here… I tried talking to her yesterday about how I was hurting… didn’t even finish the sentence before the – I’m hurting too

    1. I’d rather be in debt, saving my relationship than not wanting to spend money on recovery work, living in turmoil, no hope, no help winging it on my own. Saving a family and/or a relationship is worth going into some debt to do. However, should you feel otherwise, that’s certainly your choice and who am I to tell you what to do.

  6. Wow! Thank you for assuring me that these are red flags in the unfaithful and not that there’s something wrong with me, the betrayed

    1. I’m honored to help. I had envisioned helping many who feel the way you feel. so glad I could support you in some small way.

  7. She does all of the above basically every time I have tried to discuss the situation with her. But, she is so adversarial and hostile that she would listen to this talk and deny it all.

  8. Hi Sam. I’m watching as many of your videos as possible. Obviously struggling. Been 12.5 years since my wife had an affair, now her latest behaviors resemble/parallel all activities from before. I’m triggered so much. Anyway, lost in whatever. So many red flags and don’t have a clue how to deal.

  9. It’s like you are here in my house and hear my husband! 1 thing he says over and over is that it’s all because of his “sick sense of humour” talking to other women in a sexual way. Guess that includes going to meet these women in other places! He is so used to lying that he refuses to ever be honest – even when he is caught red-handed! 30 yrs for nothing 🙁

  10. A huge red flag is when you give them grace after being unfaithful and because I have triggers now he says “ you’re bringing up my past , you don’t know how to forgive “ if anything remotely hurts me or triggers me. I thought of this , this morning after our argument last night; grace is sometimes given and the person will run with it doing what they please , but a real remorseful person who is repentant will receive grace and change. My husband runs from our problems and blames me. How about that for a bright red flag.

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