“Name It to Tame It” A Tool for Self-Soothing in Affair Recovery

Dr. Dan Siegel presented a phrase to assist trauma survivors self-soothe entitled "Call it to tame it." It's vital we honestly name our feelings if we're going to find clarity, recovery and ultimately self-compassion. The expression isn't limited to self-soothing but likewise to helping our betrayed and unfaithful partners when they flood or are feeling immense triggers. While our own psychological health is our duty, we can likewise use 'trauma-informed' secrets to help others discover recovery. Survivors of adultery and/or addiction are often bombarded by emotional upheaval, so finding a tool to assist those in crisis is essential. "Call It to Tame It" is simply that tool with life changing implications.

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" The Recovery Library offered me 24/7 assistance due to the fact that I might be up at 3am and search for the topic I was fighting with. It likewise helped as a couple since we could investigate topics together so it wasn't subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recuperated from extramarital relations. Double reliability in my book.".
– Amanda, Florida.

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is a cheating survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors' Blog site,. He participated in Affair Healing's courses established by creator and cheating professional Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After discovering recovery, hope, and brand-new life, wants to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to use with others so they too can discover hope and healing.

“Name It to Tame It” A Tool for Self-Soothing in Affair Recovery

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  1. Thank you. I started listening to Affair Recovery at the start of the year after my addicted partner had a relapse. I’ve been listening as part of my own therapy and healing. The relapse has brought up a lot of anger and sadness and fear from the past. This week I’ve been focusing on how to process anger and rage so I can eventually move past it. This topic was so on point for what I’ve been seeking. Thank you.

  2. I just found this today. I found out about my husband on January 13 and it is very new… we want to work it out but the flooding is sooo real and I am afraid to ask him to do this with me because he still seems so upset when I bring it up. Why is it so hard to talk?

    1. All good thoughts for you guys. If they are willing to do the EMSO, and be honest with themselves and you, it will help

    2. Jennie I am the betrayed husband of an adulterous wife, I can empathize with you because I found out on January 15th, I caught her, so while I feel likely the same flood of feelings that you are, it seems to me that either your husband is feeling extreme shame or is completely unrepentant, in my opinion, if your husband would rather talk to a man, tell him to give me shout since I have your perspective, but am a male,

  3. Great video, thank you. I find it really helpful to do what my therapist called the “washing machine” exercise when I’m really upset where I say out loud (by myself) the emotion I’m feeling, like I’m a washing machine and the feelings are going round and round, say it as many times as I feel it, then after I’ve said that feeling a few times (usually angry!) other feelings come out behind the anger and I realise why I’m feeling that way and what’s really behind it. The same principle as explained in this video basically. Love to everyone that’s having to watch these videos and thank you SO MUCH to all at Affair Recovery for changing so many peoples lives ❤

  4. Great video as always brother…can you do a video on lust in a married man to another married lady resulting in infidelity? From which angle should a betrayed wife understand? Will the unfaithful be irresponsible in house cores while holding that affair ? Will arguments on irresponsibility leads to infidelity? Im totally confused and broken down….he acts as if “silence is the best reply” and hence tons of unanswered questions within me….help me pls

  5. Grief work…love that. Would want to hear more about those that have the 50 dollar reaction to a thousand dollar problem”. If feel like there’s far too much emphasis on the opposite like you said.

  6. Thanks Sam again!

    After a year and a half since D day, I still have days that I struggle with this exact issue.

    My husbands is “ a man of few words” and this frustrates me!!!!!

    I will try this technique.

  7. Another fantastic video. It’s funny how something so complex can be boiled down with such simplicity. Thank you for explaining it. Also, I really value the suggestions or practical advice you give the unfaithful about going a little bit deeper and having the courage to try to put themselves in an empathetic place with the betrayed. I know firsthand just how far that goes and helping the healing process. Thanks again for the work and video.

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