Helping the Unfaithful Find Freedom from Self-Preoccupation after Their Affair

Early on after discovery or disclosure of , it seems regular, and even expected, that the unfaithful is overwhelmed with sorrow, anguish, and even shame. Then, sufficient time transpires and they are apparently disabled by these feelings and more, leaving them self-absorbed and indulging their own pain. The trouble gets here when the betrayed partner starts to wonder, when will they show remorse for what they've done, and for how their options have affected their enjoyed ones? To the untrained, inexperienced ear, the unfaithful's words and actions can seem typical, appropriate and even healthy. However, to the professional, it appears that the unfaithful is caught inside their own self-preoccupation, alienating themselves from their betrayed partner, family, and close friends. It's vital that the unfaithful partner finds out how to take the focus off their own repercussions and care for their betrayed partner, supporting them in their own hurt and pain. Today, shares essential treatments for opening regret, humility, and grief in the unfaithful partner.

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" The Recovery Library provided me 24/7 assistance because I could be up at 3am and look for the topic I was battling with. It likewise helped as a couple since we might examine subjects together so it wasn't subjective. I trusted this details due to the fact that it was from experts who likewise had lived through and recuperated from . Double reliability in my book.".
– Amanda, Florida.

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is an infidelity survivor and is one of many factors to Affair Healing's Survivors' Blog site,. He participated in Affair Recovery's courses established by founder and adultery professional Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After discovering healing, hope, and brand-new life, wants to share his journey and what has to provide with others so they too can find hope and healing.

Helping the Unfaithful Find Freedom from Self-Preoccupation after Their Affair

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  1. I’ve been in depression, shame, apathy and numbness. I’m an unfaithful. Although I care less about my image.

    1. I’m in almost my 2nd year of banging my bead up against the wall because of this behaviour. I am the betrayed
      I did not put my hand up for this…..nor did I expect to near on get a degree is betrayal trauma…..feels like a total waste of energy and my precious time. Time I could have spent on my life and enjoying myself…..and yet, to date, it is ALL still about him……as it has ALWAYS been.It has worn me down….further.

  2. Oh, for some empathy and compassion in those awful first few months, instead of being subjected to the ‘Me Monster’! I felt totally alone as the betrayed. Unfortunately, it was a whole year before I found Affair Recovery. I’m sure I would have fared better if I had found you early on. Thank you, Samuel, brilliant insight as ever.

    1. means a ton. i didn’t think it was, but grateful for the huge compliment my friend. thank you so much.

  3. The biggest issue you must deal with is the intimacy anorexia… I learned more about that than anything else and it’s starting to help.

    1. it’s a great truth. it’s a topic I’m working on discussing more so thank you for the kind words and reminder.

  4. I feel so lost. I was physically and emotionally open to my partner the entire time the cheating happened, and I’ve been trying to be open and honest while healing. There’s just no logic to it at all, I guess. No explanation would ever be enough.

    1. I’m glad you’re here. I’m sorry it’s so awful and debilitating. There is hope to heal and move through it. It’s definitely possible, but the grief can be overwhelming. Are you getting help at all?

    2. @Overcoming Infidelity I’m in therapy, and I have a good support system. It’s a really complicated situation though, my partner is about to get therapy soon his insurance just isn’t that great so it’s a little difficult. Could you maybe make a video about CPTSD and trauma? I feel like my partner definitely has some unresolved childhood trauma and while that wasn’t the root cause, when I pulled away a little to go get my lisence and figure out some life things, he took it as a rejection and tried to fill the emotional void with someone else instead of talking to me.

  5. Any advice on how to do this when the betrayed spouse didnt find out about the affair and it is just me dealing with all of what you said and not being able to share or to know how is she dealing with my affair since she never found out, i dont know if this makes sense? I feel awful about what i did and i am still trying to get over my AP and i hate the fact that i miss her. All i am doing is being the best i can to my wife and use my pain for a greater good in how i treat and love my wife.

  6. Hi Samuel, I’ve been watching all your videos…nonstop. Thank you so much for all you and Affair Recovery do. My wife and I have booked an EMS weekend. Because journey has been excruciatingly long and very unique, we are not quite sure at this point if the EMS is for us. We thought maybe we could consult with someone first. I was wondering if you do any consultation of your own as my wife and I seem to both relate with you and your methods of communication and presentation. I have heard in a few of your videos that you may do something along those lines. Please let me know. Thanks again.

  7. To the the cheaters who are being honest about how they feel: thank you for the reality check. It’s important ,for we betrayeds to know how little we matter and who we really married. I am amazed at how masochistic we faithful are, swallowing the abuse and taking a hit so devastating that counselors are finding that we need special treatment for ptsd some of us for years. Know this…whatever you suffer, betrayeds have it. WAY worse.

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