What if the one thing standing in the method of a much healthier, happier marriage is our belief that people can't change? Join us as we flip this misconception on its head. We take a deep dive into the factors behind why individuals change and how to produce an environment that motivates your spouse to evolve in your marital relationship. We highlight an interesting case research study that demonstrates how our beliefs about someone, and the way we treat them, can substantially affect their behavior and potential for change.
In the latter part of our chat, we explore the concept of habits adjustment in the context of marital relationship. We talk about how habits that are rewarded tend to be duplicated and how a lack of reward or unfavorable consequences can dissuade certain behaviors. But, instead of resorting to punishments, we recommend encouraging open conversations and rewarding wanted habits. Listen to our insightful suggestions on how to foster meaningful discussions and create brand-new habits patterns in your marital relationship, all for the purpose of promoting a stronger, healthier relationship with your partner. So, let's shatter the belief that people can't change and begin opening doors for development and improvement in our marriages.
EDITOR" S KEEP IN MIND: Dr. Joe recently had eye surgery, thus the factor for the eyepatch. But do not stress! At the time of this video's release, he's currently able to ditch the eyepatch!
Time Stamps:
0:00 – Why individuals alter and how to influence change in a marital relationship.
0:50 – The effect of beliefs and labels on relationships.
4:14 – Habits adjustment and its application in marriage.
6:39 – Improving interaction and relationships through empathy and understanding.
10:13 – Altering habits in marriage.
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This reminds me of the Red Green Show: “I’m a man. But I can change. If I have to. I guess.”
Aren’t you making a vow when you say “my spouse won’t change”
Perhaps an observation reinforced innumerable times over an extended period.
Several years ago, I begged my wife to go to counseling with me. She replied, “I don’t have a problem. You’re the one with the problem. When you get your problem fixed, we won’t have a problem.” After going to counseling alone for 18 months, I told her, “I will accept responsibility for at least 50% of our problem—maybe up to 90%, but I won’t accept responsibility for 100%.” If I were younger, I’d split the blanket. At this stage, the price of my freedom is too high, so I’ll just stay in purgatory until one of us croaks.
that sounds miserable…
There’s a lot to be said for the adage “a woman goes into a marriage hoping to change her man. A man goes into a marriage hoping his woman never changes. Both will be disappointed in this regard.” There’s nothing more upsetting to a man than hearing from his wife “we need to talk”–which is code for “I’m going to tell you how you need to change.”
How about advice for getting a marriage partner (almost always the woman) NOT to change into a different person after marriage?