Secrets of a Couples Counselor: 3 Steps to Happier Relationships | Susan L. Adler | TEDxOakParkWomen

Susan provides the concept that if we nurture our we become a group and construct the trust and goodwill that we'll need to get us through the challenging times. She provides 3 tools that can assist make better and lasting. Susan L. Adler, LCSW has 35 years of experience as a therapist, and was called a Chicago Social Employee of the Year by the National Association of Social Workers Chicago Chapter. She is an acclaimed author and an American Association of Marital Relationship and Household Treatment Medical Member and Approved Manager. Presently in private practice, Susan focuses on Couples Therapy including Pre-marital Therapy, and Separation and Divorce Healing as well as Grownup Person Psychotherapy. She has a subspecialty dealing with LGBTQ individuals and couples. Susan is known for her friendly, humanistic, strength-based, goal-driven approach to treatment. She is passionate about helping others discover and reach their personal goals and experience deep and gratifying relationships. Happily married, Susan has actually lived, worked and raised her , including six children and step-children, in the Oak Park/ River Forest area for the past thirty years. This talk was given at a TEDx occasion utilizing the TED conference format however separately arranged by a local community. Find out more at

Secrets of a Couples Counselor: 3 Steps to Happier Relationships | Susan L. Adler | TEDxOakParkWomen

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33 Comments

  1. I certainly empathise with this wise elder for having her notes with her- being filmed, in front of an audience are a recipe for forgetting your lines! I’m also on the other side of 40 and my memory isn’t that great- this shouldn’t stop us from imparting our wisdom!

  2. This has resonated on so many levels with me. I have been and am guilty of some of these in my relationship but also supports things I’ve been longing for and wanting.

  3. feeling blessed that my husband and i have a healthy relationship. we apologize when needed and talk about our feelings 🙂

    1. Knowing how to apologize and empathize is key. Battling with a partner who’s ego is on higher priority than the relationship is guaranteed to fail even with these very helpful tips.

  4. many ted talks have this polished smugness to them. she’s standing up their with notes and its not polished but she’s making some really good points. down to earth

  5. Confusing problems outside the relationship with a smaller issue inside the relationship is definitely an issue. There have been some times I felt negative feelings when talking to my soulmate that I thought were coming from our conversation, but were really routed in something unrelated one or both of us had not addressed in our lives in general.

  6. Good upload. I shared this with my new relationship as we want to build a foundation of friendship first. I’m thinking of beginning therapy with her moving forward before problems can come up and become resolved. Still, having said that, my girlfriend and I have set up ground rules on how we communicate with one another (i.e. not shouting, not throwing things, having time away from one another to process how we feel, resolving things and not bringing it up again in the future, weaponizing things said in regular conversation and using it against your partner, etc.).

  7. We’ve Been married 33 years,
    fight for your marriage because , at the end of the day nothing else will matter.
    Material things are good but can’t maintain lasting happiness or can not bring joy!
    Divorce brings extreme pain, sorrow, retreat, emptiness and lasting scars in your life.

    When I was 28 I almost left my wife over a crazy stuff.
    I got in my car and drove off angry and upset . and I heard the voice of God say to me “what about me Jamie.. you made a vow to not only her, but me, is there anything too hard for me to do or fix ?”
    I turned the car around and went back to her.
    Now we are still in love 33 years later.
    There is nothing else in the world worth destroying your home❤️

    1. you’re right my dear,I’m a single man a divorcee,i got divorced two years ago,my wife got pregnant for my friend which was heart broken,it took me months to regain back my self and moved own to continue my life,to be sincere you are the kind of woman i want in my life as a wife,you are so beautiful,we can keep in touch by knowing our self more…

    2. I’m trying to become a romance song writer. As I change my lyrics I hope you find a song you like.

  8. “Anger’s the bodyguard of emotion.” Wohw! Talk about resonating. I love the ABA tip and the “I would love it if…” statement (instead of the outdated, “I feel… when you…”) This is helpful and I can put this into action today without overthinking it. Thank you.

  9. And if these don’t work, GET OUT. My ex boyfriend didn’t care if I was hurt, WOULD NOT change if I was sad. I took the high road, the high road, always the high road. Used all sorts of “I would love it if…” phrases. It was an abusive relationship. Don’t let being a “good person,” and forgiving person blind you from reality.

    1. YES!!! So much yes! I was upset she did not explain that deeper. People need to be “Evenly yoked”. If the other doesn’t put the same amount of work in? Eventually that is TORTURE. Some partners don’t want/care/ and ENJOY tormenting the other person in the relationship!

    2. Exactly!!!! I remember my “ex-boyfriend” (not really since looking back at it, now that I found my true love and soulmate, that wasn’t even a real relationship) he would just bet extremely passed out of nowhere and just insult me and criticize me and when I would try to stay calm and tell him that’s not nice to hear he wouldn’t care at all and make me feel so hurt and flawed and just like I deserve to get yelled at and insulted
      Thank God my future husband is the kind to NEVER EVER use insults or ever even get angry!

    3. Why should one person do all the compromising? If even talking about what ine needs from the other and there are no changes what’s the point. If I hurt and the hurt doesn’t care then it’s best to say I tried my best and now it’s time to leave and find someone who will treat you right.

    4. @Vi H sounds like you had a one sided relationship.
      Guessing you’ll ensure the rest go the same way as you seem to imply it only took one to Tango.
      I mean, your right, you’re always right.
      Fly high little butterfly.

  10. The best advice I can think of that I wish i’d thought of when young is to take an accredited basic psychology course. It will help you to understand yourself and what YOU need first, and also help you pick out those who are putting on an act – which most men and women do at first, and some can keep it up until after marriage a couple of years along the line. Still, there will be tells and a basic psychology course will help you spot important things you might otherwise not notice or may dismiss.
    It will also help you in many other areas of your life.

  11. I agree with the 3 points exactly and that some relationships need to die (ones founded on with lies/deception/abuse) if you do nothing nothing will change that’s guaranteed. Try these tips and I’m sure if it has any hope it will work. Look at yourself before your partner and then realize only you can control yourself!

  12. Extraordinary presentation. Every word you have spoken is so insightful, meaningful and helpful. Thank you for this amazing talk.

  13. Thank you, Susan L. Adler , for giving me much to think about. This was a very positive talk and I am grateful for what you imparted.

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