How do you have healthy dispute in marital relationship? Well, when it concerns dispute, we didn't manage it extremely well in the beginning. I had a much stronger character than Alice at that point.
At the time, I was also in front of a great deal of individuals speaking on huge platforms and things like that. I wasn't simply confident, I was cocky back in those days. So the way we handled dispute is I would tell Alice she was wrong, she would get mad and yell at me, and I would tell her she was incorrect again, and we never ever would solve the problem. That's how it ended.
Then, either one or both people would sulk for two or 3 days up until we surpassed it, and after that we 'd move on. However we didn't resolve anything at all. That remained in the first marital relationship.
In THIS marital relationship, we resolve conflict by listening.
" Okay, I can't assure you I can do everything you desire me to do. But I can assure you that I want to understand what it is you desire and why you want it."
So we still have conflict, every couple has dispute. I still do think often I don't even realize what I have actually done that hurt Alice's sensations. And after that I'll hear those feared words that every other half dislikes to hear.
" We require to talk."
And when that occurs:
" Okay, let's discuss it. What did I do?"
The method we fix dispute now is essentially by communicating extremely clearly that I understand what you think, what you feel, what you think, what you desire, all of that type of stuff. I will satisfy that for you as much as I can. You satisfy that for me as much as you can. With knowing that we'll never get it ideal.
But since of the truth that we can actually openly listen to each other like that. That's how we fix conflict.
So it may last two or 3 hours now, whereas in the very first marriage, it might last 2 or three days, or sometimes two or three years, referencing the time that we were separated and living separated from one another.
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